Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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