dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
