woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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