Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
