apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize
