I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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