dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
