No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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