You're a womanizer and a bitch.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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