I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
