he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
