I don't usually arrange sex via text message
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
