one word: firstdatebathroomanal
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
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