You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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