Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
