Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
