You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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