Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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