I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
