U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
