i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
