Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
