Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
