There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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