the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
