for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
