It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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