I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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