Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
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