Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
