Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
