I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
