how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
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