I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
