She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
