Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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