I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
