Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
How naked do you want me to be?
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