I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
