dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
