That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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