my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
