I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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