Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
