I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
