Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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