I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
