At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
