1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Then you guys just all showered together...?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
