Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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